Lines composed before the Walkouts of September

I wanted the walkouts to be real
Protests with anarchy and all that follows
But neutered they were
Before they even began.

I thought this was going to be some May 68 stuff.

Okay, let's try this again

Alright, so this time,
nothing fancy, just going to ease into having a blog
again.

Not going to utilize
real full
grammatical sentences

just going for a sort of
zen effect
no
I never liked zen, atrophy, perhaps
poetry is maybe the word I'm searching... for


Had an overwhelming desire to watch the Searchers today but it just didn't pan out. If I was to read and watch everything when I felt the desire I would be

I seem to have dropped off again

Hello Friends

Lights up to reveal a beautiful-gloomy, rainy friday! The soil is so drenched that the earthworms are creeping their slimy little way along the concrete, and the sky is so dark that lights have to be turned on inside even thought it's twelve o'clock. May I say, without irony (and thus far, I swear that this is has not been ironic!) that these are the days I live for. I worry about actually doingthis because the surfeit of rain may leave even my memories water logged, but I'd love to move northwards, to Seattle, or better yet, the Scottish moors, to have a continuous drizzle. I love the green and fog and the way the bark of the big trees gets darker and darker as the rain progresses.

So I've been wondering what I want to focus on in my studies for the next two years. I thought about Nabokov, but that would necessitate the learning of Russian, and Russian has a whole other alphabet. Godard jumps to mind, but he's film, and I don't know if I can get those old snobs in the english department to let me do that. Ah, I really know nothing of how majors work, I just know I'm overdo to declare.

I've also been wondering about my next home. Where will I move, how many compromises must I make? I want an old house/apartment, with one to two rooms and a kitchen. It must be functioning, unlike the crapshoot I know reside in, it must be beautiful, and it must be made before world war I. I've decided I want to make a film around World War I, not about the war, but around it. The characters will all be very bohemian intellectual types, and a third of the way through the film, the war breaks out, and they have to deal with it, travelling about Europe, trying to escape the nonsense but being dragged into it. It would be a big film.

A life of the mind

What happened, where did I go wrong, where on earth did I lose my sense of humor. I've got a headache and have another hour and a half at work, but next to that, I feel as though these questions will melt quite away. That's right, I'm going to get in touch with my old passionate, silly, excitable, creative self. Me and him have been going through a tough time, but we're on the verge of a breakthrough. Why does it take terrible arguments with the people we love to come to the realization that you're going down the wrong path? Where did it happen that I stopped enjoying all the little things. Gorsh, I guess I have been acting more like an android than a human, and I've treated everyone else like that as well. Gorsh, I've been a real creep for a time, but I'm escaping from that cycle. I'm going to write in pen! I'm going to draw in notebooks! I'm going to paint my furniture! I'm going to treat my loved ones with greater care and respect. And Blog... I'm going to make this blog worthy of being read! Also, I think I'm going to buy a cheapy camcorder to make a series of silent films.

Books!

A fantastic article on the pleasures and pains of being a bibliophile!

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/15/garden/15library.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

Films of the Break

In an effort to prove that I did something-
The films I watched this break in reverse chronological order-

To Have and Have Not (Hawks)
The Big Sleep (Hawks)
The Godfather Part II (Coppola)
The Godfather (Coppola)
Rio Bravo (Hawks)
Le Bete Humaine (Renoir)
The Great McGinty (Sturges)
O, Brother, Where Art Thou? (Coen)
Juliet of the Spirits (Fellini)
Dazed and Confused (Linklater)

Oh god, is that all!?????!!!! Ten movies in in 22 days. I've even failed at being a film sl/nob. I should have at least been doing two a day, but, keep in mind, the two Godfathers are quite long- over six hours!!!! And I should special point for focusing on a director.

A post!?

It feels like so many blog posts begin with an apology, "I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been so busy, what with the multiple surgeries, and that recurring and mysterious taste of sweetness that comes upon me just as I start to work. I stop to think about it, oh, probably just a side effect of the medication, but I leave my blog and start to search for answers online, answers that I've already read a hundred times. But still I search on with the hope that this isn't something serious. By the time I'm done with this fruitless enterprise, I'm spent, my body and mind fatigued by the stress and I fall asleep before even beginning a blog post." Well, fuck that, I don't need to apologize. And I don't even have a good reason! All I've been doing this break is watching movies, I read two hundred pages, and then quit, my attention span to short to maintain the intricacies of modernist literature. Oh, but I can read the shit out of a film blog... yes sir. My one great work of productivity this break was the brilliant transformation of my bedroom, which heretofore, with its mattress on the floor aesthetic, had the vibe of a crack den. Now, with my vintage-y metal bed frame, soft lighting, art deco poster, and red leather chair, it has the delightful vibe of an opium den. Speaking of which.... We had a delightful little concert in our house tonight, I love the idea of our very humble abode being a venue!

Well, it's three in the morning, and the wind howls like a hammer. The whole house literally shakes, right down to the core of its shoddy nineteenth century frame. I am very afraid that my house will literally fall apart, crushing me, and my newly redecorated room. I briefly toyed with the idea of sleeping in jean and tennis shoes, with all my valuables in my pockets, but I figured that if the house fell down I wouldn't have time to get out. While cleaning out my bookcase, I stumbled upon the old senior yearbook, and I am shocked at what a popular fellow I was. I'm currently rather a recluse, not unlike my original sophomore self from four years ago, but if I could get up and running at the full senior year mode that I was at... m god! And how thin I was! But this time around I'll be able to talk about college-y stuff like semiotics and Absalom, Absalom! College has been a fascinating experience, and extremely up and down. Last semester was such a confidence boost, and a real confidence downer, my professional life really strongly manifested itself after hiding for a year. I starred in a hit play! and I got all A's, I didn't even manage that in high school, but of course, I didn't get to take Screwball Comedy back at FHS. My social life almost completely disappeared, and I can barely manage to talk to strangers without breaking into a sweat and cracking my voice. That said, the people I spent most of my time with are great. And of course, I'm thinking specifically of one little lady who I spent most of my time with, who somehow managed to get me to love cats as much as her, even though they are wicked animals. That dear friend is a delight, I use these euphemisms because the internet is so public! I love my Lena so much, and miss her this break, I'm sure she will read this soon enough, but I want her to know that it's not just the wind that keeps me up, but the solitude that seems so much more tangible when she's not here with me.

Goodness, I really hope no one reads this stuff, I should just right myself a personal journal entry.